Contemplating the Cross

Kirk and I attended an Ash Wednesday service at All Souls Anglican in Wheaton this year. It was an intimate setting that allowed you to reflect on the start of this Lenten season. The celebrant read from the liturgy the following.

"Brothers and sisters in Christ, since early days Christians have observed with great devotion the time of our Lord's passion and resurrection and prepared for this by a season of penitence and fasting. By carefully keeping these days, Christians take to heart the call to repentance and the assurance of forgiveness proclaimed in the gospel, and so grow in faith and in devotion to our Lord. I invite you, therefore, in the name of the Church, to the observance of a holy Lent, by self-examination and repentance; by prayer, fasting, and self-denial; and by reading and meditating on God's Holy word." He went on to say in the form of a prayer, "Almighty and everlasting God, you hate nothing that you have made and forgive the sins of all those who are penitent; create and make in us new and contrite hearts that we, worthily lamenting our sins and acknowledging our wretchedness, may receive from you, the God of all mercy, perfect remission and forgiveness; through Jesus Christ your Son our Lord, who is alive and reigns with you, in the unity of the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever."

If you are like me you did not grow up observing Lent. And the thought of giving something up for Lent seemed a little silly. I really didn't even start considering this until a couple of years ago. The first time I ever gave up something for Lent I decided to give up reading my People magazine that came to my house every week. I had a love/guilt relationship with the magazine. I felt on one level I was reading gossip, but I would always qualify that they had human interest stories too. And they do. I would smile and say, "When God wants me to quit reading People magazine he will let me know like he did when I was in my twenties and buying Cosmopolitan." And if you are wondering, I don't subscribe to it any more, but will on occasion buy an issue to read. However, I have digressed. When I would get the magazine each week I would put it in a stack to be read after Lent was over. It really wasn't hard because I knew I would be able to read them all after Lent. What I should have done was throw them away when they came.

I have to be honest, when I think about giving up something for Lent I try to think of something that is denying myself, but that isn't really that hard to give up. This year I decided to give up watching TV during the day, Monday through Friday. I'm sure you are saying to yourself, "Are you kidding me?", or maybe you just laughed. But since I am not working yet I have found that I fill my days with watching TV if I am not running errands or have something else to do. HGTV is my go to channel or the Food Network. As I contemplated what to give up I realized that by watching TV during the day it prevents me from doing other things that may be more productive, like reading a book or listening to music. But was that really denying myself something? Was it really going to be that hard? Interestingly enough, it has been harder than I thought. I realized I had used the TV as a filler for the silence. And I am beginning to understand that Jesus wants that silence. It is uncomfortable and yet I find myself wanting to explore this a little more.

I am reading a book called Contemplating the Cross by Tricia McCary Rhodes this Lenten season. It is a 40 day pilgrimage of prayer. It is an insightful look at the events of Jesus' life leading up to his crucifixion, starting with the garden. It is stirring thoughts and feelings deep within me. As I read the accounts of the events I find myself there with Jesus, as if I am an observer of the events. Each day as I approach this time of reflection I find myself filled with mixed emotions. Curiosity to see what God shows me about myself that day. Some hesitation and fear at what God will show me. And the desire to know my Lord even better.

So as I find myself with time during my day I will sit in silence, or I will listen to Lenten songs, all with the purpose of focusing on Jesus and contemplating the cross.